The Mind's Truth
by neekabe
Summary: *complete*Thrown into a world of illusion by a man intent on breaking them, 5 pilots struggle to find truth in a world of lies. But sometimes the mind's truth differs from reality, leading to devastating conclusions NOTE AT END OF CH 6 RE: EPILOGUES!
1. Prologue

The Mind's Truth 0   
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing   
Title: The Mind's Truth   
Author: neekabe   
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language.   
A/N: This wasn't supposed to be this long but, it's looking to be around 7 parts including this. It's my first multi-parter so please feel free to tell me what you think. Send me any questions, comments, criticism, whatever and I will get back to you.   
Enjoy!   
  
  
  
**The Mind's Truth**   
Prologue   
  
  
The room is dark and empty. Flickering monitors are the only light source available; they fill the room with green tinged shadows. However in that little light, look closely. You can just barely see the teenager lying on that gleaming metal table in the middle of the room. And if you look closer you can see him straining against the leather straps holding him to the table. Now that you're aware of that look closer, listen harder. See the wires and electrodes hooked up to every part of his body, and follow those wires. Connect them to the ominously glowing machines around the room. See his face contort as he vainly fights against something. You can hear the quiet grunts of pain that escape his tight control, and you can hear something else. Something that might be called a whimper if you did not know that this was one of the legendary Gundam Pilots.   
  
We have caught them all with only minimal losses. We are very pleased.   
  
This equipment, the computers the monitors, the programs and the systems have all been designed for this day alone. It was the only way that we could think of to break them. Tests showed that them amount of drugs needed to keep control for any length of time on their overly tolerant bodies would probably kill them. And, as you can probable conclude as we did, they would rather die that give away anything. From what we've seen they welcome death. If we tried physical torture we'd just lose valuable assets.   
  
As far as we can find they care about no one but the other pilots, and even that cannot be used against them. They are far too dangerous to put any two in the same room. And again, any one would rather die then be used against a friend.   
  
So we came up with this.   
Virtual reality.   
  
Walk with me. I'll show you the others.   
  
Using these systems we can control everything they see, hear, touch, feel, smell, and to some extent what they think. Through prolonged use mixed with random situations in reality, we can blur the lines in their mind between reality and illusion. They all know that we're using VR against them, but they have no way to stop it, no way to even tell when we're using it unless it's an extreme stimulation. Soon, they will have no idea what is real and what is just something we have created for them. Soon they will doubt reality. And them we will have them.   
  
See this one? He's trying to fight it. Watch that monitor, you see what he sees. Yes we are close to breaking that one.   
  
Once reality is doubted then other things come to be questioned. What is right? Have the ideals that you know as right been manipulated to? How can you know what is 'right' and 'true' if you don't know what to base it on? Is it wrong to kill a person that doesn't exist? How can you know for a fact that a person does exist? How can you know when you're free?   
  
The hope is that we will be able to break them this way. Make them uncertain enough that they may come to accept our cause. And then they will fight for us…   
  
And we will be victorious.   
  
  
  
*** To be continued*** 


	2. If all the world's gone crazy...

If all the world's gone crazy....  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing  
Title: The Minds' Truth  
Author: neekabe  
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness...   
A/N: Feedback of all kinds is greatly appreciated. I'm not pickey ^_^   
email: neekabe@canoemail.com   
  
  
**Chapter 1 **  
_"If all the worlds gone crazy...."   
  
Subject: 01  
Status: Tests have started, problems discovered from the beginning. We cannot tell if he accepts everything or nothing as reality. He seems unaffected by the simulations and is totally unpredictable. He is apparently random in when faced with situations that require killing. We suspect that he is doing this because he knows about the VR and he knows were monitoring him, however we can prove nothing. He needs something more in order to break him for our purposes. It was discovered that he feels great guilt from a previous failure, involving the death of a small girl. Hell begins today._   
  
***   
  
  
He moved towards the table, watching with interest the boy strapped to it. The child was trembling, covered with sweat. Muscles spasmed as Heero fought against the current simulation. Then suddenly something passed across his face and he stilled, everything relaxing.   
  
Erlking leaned across the table, checking the monitors. He was still alive. But... he flicked a switch on the video screen. It now showed the simulation.   
Heero was still there. But he was just standing there in the middle of a Hell created especially for him. Staring at nothing, just thinking, considering something.   
Then the boy's head turned, faced up. He appeared to be staring straight at the screen Erlking was watching, though he should not have been able to tell where it was. Heero glared at the screen.   
  
This wasn't right. Fear welled up in Erlking at the intensity of they boys gaze.   
  
Erlking flipped on some more buttons, the speed of his movements betraying his rising panic at this subject's reaction. Finally everything was in place. Erlking was determined to break this boy. A punch of a button and Heero was sent deeper into Hell.   
  
Heero blinked and the world spun. Swirling randomly around him, constantly changing. All his senses died for a moment. The came back one by one and he wished he could have just stayed blind and deaf. The world was filled with burning wreckage, dead bodies. Smells of fire and smoke, burning flesh assaulted his nose. This was war at its truest form. This was war without the propaganda, without the ideas of right or wrong, good or evil. This was simply the slaughter and the death. He couldn't find anything to focus on, couldn't find his bearings. There was something he should know. He had figured it out only moments before… he shook his head trying for a moment to clear it from the haze and confusion he now lived in. This environment was too turbulent to concentrate on anything   
  
Out of the night Heero heard the cry of a small child, a girl. She sounded lost and alone. Perhaps the only survivor of this nightmare. Fire and smoke surrounded him, searing his flesh, burning his lungs. He couldn't see her, couldn't pinpoint her position in the dark, murky vapor. The cries surrounded him harassing him from everywhere, giving no hint as he tried to find a direction. As he waited in indecision, the crying faded into a desperate whimper. She was still wanting, but she no longer expected anyone. Heero searched frantically. He refused to let this girl die. Refused to loose this small bit of innocence in a world of ruin. He found no one. Nothing but dark, smoke and flames. They swirled around him, giving no reference. There was nothing he could take a fix on, nothing stable. The world spun and sounds surrounded him. The wind howled as it tore at his clothes, flames snapped as they sent burning sparks into his flesh.   
  
Then it all sound stopped. The girl no longer cried. All was silent for a moment until another sound came up. The desolate wail of a puppy mourning its mistress.   
Heero's heart broke at the sound.   
  
He had failed her once again. Again he was too late. He stumbled though the chaos, uncaring of his own pains. The physical meant nothing; maybe it could end this mental anguish that tore him up from the inside. A dark shadow of a figure appeared out of the smoke. He approached warily. A gunshot sounded, and he fell into a crouch reaching for a gun he didn't have. The dogs pathetic whimpering cut of suddenly.   
He closed cautiously in on the figure and saw Duo there. He reached for him, Duo, something solid. Duo one of the handful of people he would call friend, one of the few people he would trust to guard his back.   
  
A breeze came up, momentarily clearing the smoke, bringing a breath of fresh air into the burning land.   
  
However it also cleared the smoke enough to see the gun in Duo's hand.   
  
And the remains of a dog at Duo's feet, it's blood spattered over the once white dress of a little girl.   
  
"You should have been here sooner Heero..." Duo's voice was accusatory as he glared up at his one time friend. All the laughter in him was gone.   
  
Unsympathetic voices hammered down at him from all sides   
"You could have done something"   
"It was you're responsibility"   
"It was your fault'   
"You had the power to change things and you didn't"   
"You failed when it really mattered"   
"You failed her"   
"Failure!"   
"You failed death even"   
"Can't do anything right"   
"Fault!"   
  
"Duo…?" Voice hard he moved towards his comrade and stopped as Duo's head came up. Duo's eyes were haunted as he folded up over his arms, clutching his stomach. Heero saw blood drip to the ground. Stomach wound. It guaranteed a slow, painful death.  
"Why...?" Duo's voice held him responsible and Heero was confused for a moment. Confused until he saw the smoking gun clutched in his own trembling hand.  
Heero collapsed to his knees overwhelmed by everything pounding in on him. He clutched his head in his hands trying to make the voices go away; trying to block out the sights of betrayal. There was no escape from anything. No way to find himself again.   
  
"Your fault"  
"He betrayed you"  
"You betrayed him"  
"You're not worth it"  
"Friend betraying friend. Friend killing friend!"  
"The worlds gone mad and it's all you fault"  
  
**NO **   
  
**This is not. **   
  
A burst of pure will. Everything stopped. Nothing moved, just like he was walking in a still photo. Nothing was but Heero.   
  
_"When all the world's gone crazy I'll believe in myself and keep fighting"_   
  
Keep fighting. Never give up.   
  
He took a deep breath closing his eyes, ignoring the eerily still world around him. He relaxed totally, for the second time that day. Focusing himself completely on what needed to be done. Finishing what he had tried to start before.   
  
He was totally still for a while. Centering on something that didn't exist. Preparing. Then his arm shot up and out. His eyes still closed, he grabbed something in the air. Something that did not exist where he was.   
  
Still fiercely concentrating on something else, his lips moved and his voice came out hard and cold. "Take me out of here." He felt non- existent blood trickle down his arm and drip of his elbow.   
  
Heero blinked as he sat up, pulling his other limbs free with his one bloodied hand. Erlking stood back from the table, the evil glint in his eyes not quite hiding the fear from Heero. This one was simply too strong. He should not have been able to work between worlds like he just had done.   
  
"How do you even know that this is reality?" It was the only way Erlking could think of to regain control of the situation. Make him doubt, make him think. Stall until he could get an advantage.   
  
"Why would I care?"   
  
The words so carelessly uttered echoed in Erlking's mind as he backed out the door, keeping the table between him and Heero. There was no way to tell the difference between a good illusion and reality. It was just as easy to create the illusion of taking off the unit as any other think and he knew Heero knew that to. But...he didn't care?   
  
Erlking slipped out the door, leaving Heero alone to deal with disconnecting himself. As he walked down the hallway he hit a button, sealing the cell and filling it with gas. There was to be no evidence of their failures.   
  
A clang and a slight hiss were all that alerted Heero. They had sealed this cell and were terminating their project. His captor's question and subsequent confusion stuck in Heero's mind as he searched to a way out.  
_Why would I care? I know I exist. I cannot control the world but I can always control myself. It does not matter if it's real or not. No one can do anything to me unless I let them. No one can touch me._   
  
Standing on the table covered in his own blood and sweat, he used a section on the metal shackle to pry open the vent. His movements quick and precise. He had a goal in mind and he would either achieve it or die trying. Not that he had much choice.   
A _thunk_ signaled his victory, as the locks finally gave way.   
  
_As long as there's life, there's hope._ He pulled himself up into the ventilation systems   
  
**I will survive.**   
  
  
  
  
  
**end***   
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Real men don't scream out loud.

Real men don't scream out loud....   
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing   
Title: The Minds' Truth   
Author: neekabe   
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... mild swearing   
A/N: Thanks to everyone who gave feedback so far. Feel free to leave whatever comments you want. E-mail is neekabe@canoemail.com   
  
  
  
**Chapter 2**   
  
_"Real men don't scream out loud"   
  
Subject: 02   
  
Status: In progress. He can no longer tell the more realistic simulations from reality. Lines are blurred enough. Full of turmoil. We are close with him. We can now start introducing our philosophies. He is ready willing to kill, and lost. We cannot risk taking him out yet but a few more tests and he will be ours. It will go easier on him now.   
  
_ ****   
  
It was the ZERO system. He had killed again and again, watched them die, heard the scream. Maybe like the ZERO system he would wake up. He kept waiting for himself to wake up. Kept waiting for the system to be taken off.   
  
He knew that this was just VR. They had told him right off that it would be used against him. He knew what he saw this time wasn't real. It was just something created by them to torment him. Maybe, he would follow them in VR, and when he was released to fight for them he would make them pay for what they made him do. Yeah, that was the best plan.   
  
Duo walked along the street. This was a pleasant simulation, one of the real looking ones. Birds were chirping in lush trees planted in the thick green grass along the side of the road. As he turned a corner, he dodged a group of kids, running and laughing as they raced through the streets. His eyes followed them until they were out of sight, smiling as he remembered his happier days as a child; with the church and the people who loved him. When he turned back to the street in frond of him his face lit up. Then fell as realization dawned. There in front of him was the old Maxwell church, just as he remembered it. Exactly as he remembered it. His fists clenched at his sides. One question filled his mind, how did they know? He stared at the only place he was ever happy. How dare they use this place against him? He felt violated. This was worse that anything before. Fear bit at his mind, what were they going to do to this memory?   
  
He turned to leave. No matter how much joy he might get from seeing them again they would not be real. Duo would not let them be used against him. He would just stay away until they got bored with this and changed programs. He hoped they got bored soon.   
  
He began to run. Something was going to happen he could feel it. Something was going to happen and he wasn't looking forward to seeing what it was. This would end like everything else in his life, real or virtual. Everything would be destroyed just as he was getting used to it, just as he decided to make things work.   
  
Duo's haste however caused carelessness. He didn't see her until he had almost run into her.   
  
"Duo?" Her voice was thrilled as she wrapped her arms around him. "Duo! It is you! And you still refuse to cut your hair I see" Sister Helen sighed playfully. "When will you ever grow up?!"   
  
With that she grabbed Duo's wrist, pulling him along with her before he even had the chance to object. "Father Maxwell will be so thrilled to see you"   
  
Duo let himself be dragged towards the church, let himself live in the illusion   
  
When they reached the church again Father Maxwell came out, smiling broadly. "Duo. Welcome home!"   
  
Duo smiled. This was home. He could indulge himself for a little while right? He deserved to be happy for a moment. After all he had done, all he had given up, he had the right to spoil himself for a moment. It's not like it was hurting anyone.   
  
Then he heard the screams   
  
_"What's with the church people? That wasn't in the program we created" The technicians' voice was confused.   
  
"Meh. It was probable added later don't worry about it. As long as the subjects alive we're good" _   
  
Once again the church was being destroyed.   
  
"Noooo!!! He screamed running towards the buildings as if he could hold them together himself.   
  
"No…." The second cry was gentler as he knelt once again beside the dying Sister Helen   
  
"Don't die…. You can't die again. This wasn't supposed to happen this time…" He begged, pleaded though it did no good.   
  
"Duo…" she started but cut herself off and stared in horror at a point behind Duo. He turned to look.   
  
There standing above him was Deathsythe Hell and in the cockpit sat Duo. Laughing madly he randomly demolished everything he once loved.   
  
Suddenly he was in the cockpit watching himself look upwards in horror, delighting in the destruction.   
  
The he was back on the ground looking up at his own death.   
  
Then back in Deathsythe Hell destroying then enemy, fighting for the right working to end the war.   
  
He was down on the ground fighting helplessly for the right, protecting those he loved.   
  
Which was really right?   
  
Duo stared in horror as the scythe descended   
  
Duo watched with only a little satisfaction as another possible soldier was killed before he could kill anyone.   
  
He was going to die; but again death spared him. Again he was left to deal with the death the destruction alone.   
  
_"What the hell's going on here!? Take him out at once. He's already broken we don't need him on programs like this anymore."   
  
"But sir, we didn't…"   
  
"Remove him. Now."   
  
"Yessir" _   
  
Alone he was always alone. Alone and waiting to wake from the nightmare. It was just the VR, just like the Zero system. He would wake and everything would be all right again. He would just have more nightmares but he could deal with those. He always had. But the people wouldn't be dead. He wouldn't have to be alone anymore.   
  
There in the ruins of the church he curled up and slept. Hoping that this was just all a dream. Dreaming that when he woke it would all be better…just like before… Just like before. He would wake out of this dream. He could outlast them, They would not break him. He would wake and everything would be alright. But somehow, deep down he just couldn't believe himself.   
  
He woke, stiff and cold and still totally alone. The flames had died down and the bodies cooled but he was still there. He closed his eyes, huddled in the corner. This was not true. This was not real. Why not? The voice of doubt spoke in his mind. Everything else ended in death. Everything ends in death. This did to. You're cursed. Nothing ends 'happily ever after' for you. They always die and you're always left alone.   
  
He opened his eyes, and stumbled to his feet, ignoring the blood crusted into his clothes. No! This can't be true. He was supposed to wake up and find it all gone again. And why would you deserve that pleasure?   
  
He ran. Ran from the voice, from his past, from the fear. Feet pounded across the uneven terrain, his breathing echoed harshly in his ears. He kept running. As if hoping that if he got put enough distance between himself and death it would cease to affect him.   
  
Eventually he reached the limits of his endurance. Exhausted he collapsed to his knees. His heaving shoulders could be caused by lack of breath or the sobs that threatened to escape. "What did I do to deserve this!? Why wont they just leave me be?" He drew in a shuddering breath. He would not freak out now. He couldn't afford to let them know it affected him so. He would be strong.   
  
He held his breath, rocking back and forth on the ground, eyes wild. He would not break. He would not break. Will not break. Not break, break....break....break....   
  
This can't be real right?   
  
_"Why is he still there" Anger colored Erlkings voice now as he faced the cowering technician. "Didn't I tell you to change the program?"   
  
"yessir. And we've tried. Right now he should be watching boats at the seashore. But as you can see he's not."   
  
"Why not?"   
  
" We don't know sir. We think it may be that he's hallucinating within the VR system. He seems unwilling to believe anything else we give him...."   
  
"Then give his something he will believe. Let him be freed. Damnit. We need to keep him sane. We can always bring him in again later. We were so close with him...." _   
  
Duo spent the day sitting there. Trying not to think, trying not to see anything going around him. Trying not to exist.   
  
Then just as the sun was setting, a miracle happened. His vision blurred, the world spun and he was lying strapped to a table, Heero standing over him.   
  
"Let's go" A cold hard voice. This was the Heero he knew. This was real. Duo smiled finally he had woken. Everything was alright now. They never died. No one died. Everything was better. Now   
  
He accepted Heero's hand and pulled himself off the table, smiling widely. Everything was happy now.   
  
They ran through the halls. Duo could just see the light of day from an exit when the hall they were in exploded.   
  
_Oh well _He thought. _At least I die free...._   
  
But again he did not die, and again he was left to deal with the destruction on his own.   
  
He found Heero still alive, but just barely. Burns covered his body and his right arm was missing. As Duo watched helplessly he friends body spasemed, coughing up blood. But Heero was still fighting. Still trying to live.   
  
Duo knelt beside his friend, watched as Heero struggled to breathe. "Sleep now.... when you wake up again everything will be alright. It always is. You wake up and all the pain goes away." Duo's voice was soft and sad. He had nothing left for anger anymore; he just didn't have the energy needed to fight them with anger. He was just to depressed to bring himself to care about anything anymore. What was the point? Heero looked up, tears of pain escaping his tight control. Then he nodded, closed his eyes and slept.   
  
Duo sat back, built walls around the pain. But he could still be strong, and he would be free. Heero would not have died in vain. Pain just multiplied inside of him but he would not give in. Just built the walls stronger and laughed now to hide the sorrow. Smiled now to hide the loss.   
  
A troop of soldiers came across him then. They saw him there rocking back and forth, clutching a dead body. As they neared him they could hear him whispering. "I will not cry, they cannot break me. I will not cry, they will not break. Not cry, no break....cry....snap....I am not mad.... not mad....Mad. I will not cry, they cannot break me."   
  
_"Sir? What should we do now?"   
  
"Get him out of there, remove him physically if necessary. Don't worry about being gentle."   
  
_ Duo's vision swam as the world fell away from him.   
  
When he slept, he dreamed that everything was better. He was happy. When he woke he found it was worse. They still had him. Heero had died, had died for nothing. Just like everything else he knew. They all died. Everyone but him...   
  
He wanted to run. Run again until he could run no more. The sleep and never wake, 'cause things weren't any better when he woke. It was always the same.   
  
But he was tied down. He couldn't run. Wait. Yes he could. His mind retreated, left the body. Ran to the blackness of elsewhere. A place where there was no sleep, no waking, no pain. No one. Nothing. It would not hurt here. Here was happy and they could not touch it. Not like the church, not like Heero. They couldn't get him here. Here was safe. Here was free. They will not break me.   
  
_Dispose of him. He's useless now._   
  
He was still chanting that when the gas finally took him down. Their subject had been pushed too far. He had been broken, and was unusable. His eerily soft voice still echoed in the room. They would never forget the look in his eyes, bright and feral. And long after life had left the body, a few thought they still heard his voice echoing throughout the room.... soft and whispering.   
  
_They will not break me, I cannot cry.... They will not break me, I cannot cry.... They will not break me._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
**end*** 


	4. Nataku.... Lend me your strength.

Nataku.. Lend my your strength Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing  
Title: the Mind's Truth  
Author: neekabe  
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language.   
A/N: Okay.. this is a little late. But I have finally finished my Philosophy paper and can now devote all my time to writing...at least until the next big assignment comes up, but we can just ignore the future for now. Anyways, this one is greatly inspired by Kant's Categorical Imperative, *grins* Philosophy is so good to my muses ^_^ Have fun and feel free to email me at neekabe@canoemail.com with whatever you feel you want to say.   
  
  
  
**Chapter 3 **   
_Nataku.... Lend me your strength.   
  
  
Subject: 05   
Status: This one is stubborn. He is more likely to break than bend to our will. Overall he is responding well, accepting and questioning. He is somewhat set in his ways and relies one tradition. He is tired though and we will finish him today.   
_   
Day to day he lived here. A world of demons and nightmares made real. He had seen them all die again and again, helpless to stop them. He had killed them even, saw their blood pouring over his hands. There were times when he just wanted to give in. Surrender to make the horrors leave him. There were timed when he just wanted to forget about right and wrong. Just do what they told him. It didn't really matter did it? He was just so tired of fighting. What did it matter if he killed innocents? Why should he fight for peace when it was never achieved? People didn't seem to want peace. Didn't he deserve some peace from this living hell?   
  
His shoulders slumped as he was sent once again to another simulation. Another Hell. He knew that this was designed to be the final blow. Why did he bother fight them anymore? It didn't make a difference after all.   
  
He chanced to look up, see what their creativity had come up with to break him. there standing in frond of him was Merain. His heart skipped a beat.   
"Nataku" he said the paused, waiting to see how they would respond through her.   
  
"My husband…" Merain started towards him, eyes demurely lowered.   
  
Wufei rolled his eyes inwardly. That was a stupid mistake for them, especially since they were trying to finally end this, break him. Merain had never been demure, or soft, or shy. She was a warrior and a damn good one at that.   
  
"This path you're taking is wrong." She started in, her voice soft. "Stop this meaningless fighting. Just let fate run its course. You can't fight forever, so let yourself live in peace. Give your heart time to mend and heal. Give in and let them take away them pain, let yourself have the peace you're given to so many." She stretched out her hands imploringly "you shouldn't have to do this on your own"   
  
Involuntarily Wufei took a step towards her. There was so much he wanted to tell her after she died. She fell into his arms, blood trickling down the side of her face. Her soft, loving eyes looked up at him. "My husband…" smiling sadly pain etched across her features.   
  
Wufei tried to close his eyes on the image in front of him, but he could not block the image. Merain, Nataku, the woman her realized he loved too late. In her memory he fought for peace. Now he would not fail her and surrender to these people. If the cause they fought for was just then they would not have to resort to these tactics to get him to follow them. He had been so close to giving in until he saw her. Merain, the reason he fought. His head came up and a bit more life showed in his dark eyes. So they thought they could use her against him? Before he had met her he had just been a scholar with no intention of fighting, piloting a Gundam. He could fight of course, he had just never seen reason to. Then she had some along, shown him that there were some things worth fighting for, worth dying for, and worth living for. He fought in her memory and he would not dishonor her now by surrendering just because he was too tired!   
  
He opened his eyes again saw her dying again in his arms, begging him to save her, to make the pain go away.   
  
He ignored the girl completely.   
  
"You got her all wrong you know." His tone was conversational "Yeah I know she looks like Merain but this girl" he gestured to the girl in his lap "is not my wife. Not even close in fact. My wife was a warrior." He snorted, "You think you should have done some research at least"   
  
He stared up at the sky, headless of what was going on around him. It did not matter where he was, what they external variables were he would not compromise his own ethics. Something was right simply because it was right, not because of circumstances. He would not surrender to them.   
  
For a while, when they had started he had let himself follow. Just to make the nightmares stop. And he was shamed to admit it but he had almost broken to them. Almost surrendered. Then they had made their fatal mistake. They showed him Merain, the very reason he was fighting. He would not give in now. He would bring honor to her memory, fight in her name. He would fight this now until his last breath.   
  
He sat there, in the field, with her in her lap. Closed his eyes and found the peace within himself.   
  
Eventually they got bored with watching the young man meditate.   
  
"Bring him out. I want to talk to him" Erlking was not pleased with this setback. They had been so close with this one.   
  
The boy blinked and glared imperiously as Erlking paced in front of him. The child seemed to thrive on control on order. He had his own rules his ideals, and would not surrender them now. Damn. Who would have thought that seeing his wife die would have that effect on him? The only thing they had left to play on was need for self-control.   
  
"You know, we have complete dominance over you there."   
  
The boy just smiled.   
  
"You have no choices there. We can manipulate everything and you can never be free"   
  
"Then why did you feel the need to bring me out here in order to tell me that there's no chance at all of me being able to fight back?   
  
Erlking stopped moving and met the boy's calm gaze with one blazing with anger.   
"You cannot fight us forever"   
"Wanna bet?"   
"Forever's a long time"   
"You're patient then?"   
"We almost beat you once. We'll get you again."   
"Not now. Never now" The boys smirk was infuriating. Erlkings hand shot out, smacking the boys face. The smile remained.   
"Send him back." Erlkings voice was filled with venom. "Break him."   
  
The world swam. He saw his colony destroyed Merain bleeding asking him something. Soldiers screaming begging him for their lives. Trieze died again and again. He tired to shut out the sounds. He could see the questions in their eyes. "Was this worth my life?" "Why?" "You kill I kill…how's my killing wrong?"   
  
He refused to let them touch him. He killed because he had to. What he chose to do was right. He fought to end war, to honor her the memory and the memory of all those that had died. He would not regret what had been. He could not change it.   
  
He took a deep breath, calming his now racing heart. He smiled "It's not working you know" He directed his comment to the sky, knowing that they would hear.   
  
And they did. The pain that attacked him was intense. There was no escape from it, pounding every part of his body.   
  
However no matter how intense the pain a body will adjust. Once he struggled to the top of the waves of he became aware of the sky laughing derisively at his pain.   
"Thank you"   
The laughter stopped "What did you say boy?"   
  
"You've just proved that I've won. You cannot defeat me using this. Your time has been wasted"   
They surely did not create this system just as an elaborate way to give pain. This was made to change his ideas, confuse him, and release the boundaries between truth and lies, right and wrong. And they had almost succeeded before. But now it was useless on him. He would never compromise himself for any reason for anyone. There are no maybes, no shades of gray, for a true and moral person.   
  
Pain jabbed in on him. A warning against his insolence "Watch yourself boy. You've not won yet"   
  
"Yes I have"   
  
"You're still in our world. And I still have your body lying here in front of me...helpless…" Wufei could hear the sick smile in the voice.   
  
They released him just enough then from the VR that he could feel his body in the real world. He still saw the bodies and he blood but he felt the mans' hands on his body, fingers on his neck. And he could do nothing about it.   
  
He suppressed a shiver. This is what he feared. This lack of control. But still… he slowed his breathing, calmed himself, slowing everything.   
  
"All you have is my body. You can never have my mind" The words were said with the confidence of an absolute truth.   
"Then your body will live in pain and you mind, your precious control, won't last much longer. You will never be able to end the pain, you cannot kill yourself here in VR. You're out of choices Chang Wufei!"   
  
Wufei just shook his head. He looked up at the sky much like a parent looking at a misguided child still insisting Santa was real. It was a worthy attempt, but still wrong.   
  
_Inhale…   
Exhale…   
Inhale…   
…   
Exhale…   
…   
…   
Inhale…_   
He closed his eyes. Entered deep meditation. Preparing.   
  
_Exhale…_   
  
He was close now. Empty the mind, find peace. Wait…   
  
_Inhale…_   
  
He had no other choice. This was his last option.   
  
_Exhale… _   
  
Nataku give me the strength to win this one last battle.   
  
_Stop._   
  
"What just happened?!"   
"He's dead…sir"   
"I know that but how did he kill himself? There's nothing there he could use. He can't even touch his real body!"   
  
Erlking glared at the body. "Damn you" he muttered. These children were nothing but trouble to him.   
  
His fists clenched as he walked out the door. "Dispose of the body. Strip it and burn it."   
  
These pilots were trouble but if they could manage to get just one of them. With only one co-operating, they could win this, and the others were coming along nicely... He smiled. He still had two chances left.   
  
  
  
***end***   
  
  



	5. They will remember this day....

They will remember this day   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing   
Title: The Mind's Truth   
Author: neekabe   
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language.   
  
  
  
** Chapter 4**  
  
_"They will remember this day...."  
  
Subject: 04  
Status: In progress. This one is following nicely. He is complacent and very malleable. We will now see how far we can go with him. _  
  
***   
  
Anger boiled within the young soul. Anger at the world for being so cruel and hard. Anger at these people for putting him through this. But most of all anger at himself for not being able to do anything about it all. He was helpless to act, he could only watch as thousands died because of him.   
  
Nightmares of his father's death haunted him. Every mistake he had made cost these people their lives.   
  
So far he had seen the scorn of his father for his refusal to accept pacifist ideals. His sisters scorned his lack of ability to change things. Of all the pilots it seemed that he was the weakest.   
  
He didn't deserve the honor of being considered on of the Gundam Pilots. He could do nothing right but kill those undeserving of death.   
  
He was weak, incompetent, unimportant. He was just remembered as the one that killed a colony. Then he killed his comrade, his mind filled in the facts they could not know.   
  
Why did they even bother?   
  
The world spun about him and then he was sitting in the Wing ZERO. The system taking his grief and his need for revenge and turning it into a driving need to kill. To destroy the enemy and the enemy was anyone that fought. If it weren't for those people he wouldn't have had to fight. His father wouldn't have to die.   
  
Once again his hand tightened on the controls and the Wing ZERO lifted its beam cannon. Fired on the colony, completely obliterating it. Once again people died, thousands gone in an instant. All that potential gone. Who knows? One of them might have been great.   
  
But this time was subtly different. This time he felt no regret. He did not weep for the dead. After all, they weren't real. They never were real it was just something designed to break him. They had come close he realized now, so close. But they wouldn't ever get that close again. He now knew their secret. None of these horrors were real. No one really died. They would only break him of he let them manipulate him. He would not believe now. Not believe anything as real. These people that he was killing now weren't real. It didn't matter what he did. None of it was real.   
  
He started to laugh. There sitting watching the remains of the once lush colony. He laughed because he had them figured out. They would not get him ever again.   
  
The next set of simulations he performed perfectly, without hesitation. Even to the point of killing one of his former comrades. After all, he rationalized, it didn't matter. It's not as if he were killing the real one.   
  
"Look sir" the man gestured to the screen. Quatre spun and fired of a shot, hitting Trowa square on. As Trowa dropped Quatre moved in firing the second shot point blank into the downed man. His face was blank, but his eyes were too bright.   
  
"He's ready. Take him out tonight. You know what has to be done." Erlking smiled. Finally one of them had worked. He knew he would only have to wait. The last ones' had been disappointing to say the least. He still hadn't figured out how 01 had managed to work in reality while he was in VR. Or how 05 managed to kill himself, or how 02 had managed to change the simulations for that matter. But now this one… This was all he expected.   
  
They left him there for the rest of the day. Running random simulations, nothing special. Nothing to drastic. Keeping careful watch. They didn't want to lose him like they did 02. Before they took him out the injected him with a temporary drug. Just to keep him unconscious long enough to get him out of the suit.   
  
Quatre awoke, strapped to a cold metal table. He blinked looking up at the men standing over him. They must be the ones that had hurt him. He didn't want to know what they would do to him now. He strained against the straps holding him down. Sweat matted blond hair to his forehead. Pain didn't matter anyways. It's not as if it was real   
  
One of the people approached the table, laying a cool hand on Quatres forehead. "shh.. calm boy. You'll only hurt yourself"   
  
Quatre ignored the kind words. They meant nothing.   
  
"You're out of it boy" the man stated, gesturing to he discarded suit in the corner of the room. "you'll be back in real battle soon. Now hurry they'll notice us soon." Quatre glanced around the room, taking everything in, noting the ruined security cameras.   
  
This was the cruelest joke of them all. They were trying to convince him he was free. Make him hope, dream again. Then they would take that from him. But he wouldn't fall for it. His eyes glinted in the shadows as he watched them undo the buckles freeing him.   
  
He sat up, swung his legs over the side of the table. "So… I'm free now?"   
  
The first man nodded, slightly distracted with the locks on the door.   
  
"You lie" Quatre leapt towards to them, wild and feral, his lips pulled back. "You all lie to me and expect me to believe."   
  
A quick jerk and the first mans neck was broken. Quatre picked up a scalpel that was lying beside the table he had occupied. He faced the second man. He laughed. Letting the joy of life bubble out. He was alive and could now do something. And he felt no guilt. Nothing at all.   
  
A few slashes and the man was dead, his blood soaking Quatre's hands. But it didn't matter. It wasn't real. A few moments later and he was out in the halls. Stalking his prey.   
  
They all lied to him. They would all die.   
  
He laughed as he slashed and stabbed. Their blood covering him. They all lied to him, were all in on it. They all said it was real.   
  
These people they would remember this day… the day they tried to break him and failed.   
  
Eventually the soldiers cornered him. A troop of eight, guns at ready. He smiled at them, asked them the question that he had asked everyone. He didn't want to kill innocents, those that would tell him the truth. They didn't deserve to die. These few there lied, lied right there to his face. He advanced. They had guns. He needed a gun to fight them to punish them. That was okay then.   
  
A twist and a turn, he got his hands on one of the weapons and pulled it from the surprised grasp of the soldier. They didn't expect him to charge them. Silly people. They still didn't realize that had figured them out. That he knew that this form wasn't real. It didn't matter if he got hurt here as long as he believed he could keep moving he would. Wounds cannot hamper something that doesn't exist.   
  
He had archived his goal though. He now had a gun. A gun and a scalpel. He was one better than them. Them that only had guns. He had a gun and a scalpel, two weapons were better than one… two was always better that one. He would win this. They only had one and there clenched in his bloody fist was a gun and a gleaming knife. They couldn't beat him   
  
Never.   
  
Guns fired. Bullets hit his body. He didn't bother to doge, to minimize the damage. His bullets hit them too. They fell he didn't. _That's cause they're not real. I am. I continue._   
  
_Continue _he thought as his body collapsed.   
  
_Continue._ His world went black. Ahh they were changing it again. He was too strong for this one. They were changing it… again…   
  
One of the soldiers nudged the body with the toe of his boot. "For a kid with a scalpel he sure did a lot of damage"  
His comrade looked back down the halls, unable to see anything but the bodies and blood.  
"That was no kid."   
  
  
  
  
***end*** 


	6. I'll understand if you want to destroy m...

You must realize.... I might retaliate   
  
  
Title: The Mind's Truth  
Author: neekabe  
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language.   
A/N: Yay!! *does happy dance* finally I finished this chapter!! Thank you to all of you who reviewed! I emailed most of you personally but for those who didn't lave any ways of contacting you thank you!!! Katie and Nanashi if you want to send me your email I'd love to talk with you....I can also then let you know when the next chapter's out... e-mail is neekabe@canoemail.com   
  
  
**Chapter 5 **  
_ I'll understand if you want to destroy me. But you must realize… I might retaliate.   
  
Subject: 03  
Status: Near completion. After a long battle he has finally lost himself. Now he just needs a hint to move in the direction we want him to go. Now we need to find the place to introduce our new person to take his place. _  
***  
  
Everyone needs a base, a foundation; something to define who they are. Most people choose a person, a place, and ideal. But these things change these people change, are unpredictable, sometimes loose themselves. This was why he had always seemed so grounded. He based himself on the world, the fact that he existed in the world. It was an unchanging constant and that was who he was.   
  
But now that was changing.   
  
The world was no longer consistent. It changed, spun, wavered and he followed. His personality wavered changed. He became whatever his world needed, fitting in wherever he could.   
  
Every time they changed he changed. Matched them place for place. The horrors didn't affect him, the sights. Sounds, he had seen them all before. He watched with the same clinical detachment he had always had. But one question haunted him. Who was he really?   
  
As Nanashi he had been a child mercenary. Cold and hard as the metal suit he fought in.   
  
As Triton Bloom he was a boy with a family. A past and a future   
  
As Trowa Barton he was a Gundam pilot with friends and a reason to live.   
  
Now he railed against the changing world, Here he was fighting. The once blue sky turned red from the smoke and the flames. Here he became a warrior. He fought and killed anyone who approached him. Before he had been in the circus. Watching the people smile. There he was the performer, fearing nothing, confidant in his abilities.   
  
Now the world changed again. They weren't giving him enough time to fix a person before they changes. He were catching him half way between people, well he was still trying to figure out where he would fit in. Now he was nowhere, a void between worlds. And they just left him there.   
  
He was getting desperate. Who was he?   
  
Could he be Trowa? No Trowa had Heavyarms. Trowa had comrades. They were not here. He could not be Trowa.   
  
Nanashi? Nanashi had his comrades, the rest of the mercenaries. Nanashi had a MS and he had Midii. They were not here.   
  
Triton? No, family was not here. He had no past. Nothing he could remember.   
  
He could be none of them, had no one to fall back on. He drifted, unnamed unknown. Memories of before left him. They weren't needed. Could not be used.   
  
**_Who?!_**   
  
Technicians heard his cry through the worlds. Heads snapped up and smiles flew across their faces. This was a good sign. " Should we call Erlking?"   
"Yeah. He'll want to know progress at least"   
  
If he did not know a where he was he could not formulate a who. Without a who, without a person he didn't know what was right. He was in a perfect position to be manipulated.   
"Make him think he's out. Have him meet everyone In the VR. We won't risk him pulling a 04"   
  
Once again Trowa's world faded. This time however, when he could see again, there was a man standing in front of him.   
  
"Who am I?" He whispered the question. Not expecting an answer, just hoping for a self.   
  
Erlking smiled kindly "You're Erik, one of our elite soldiers" He cocked his head " Do you remember anything?"   
  
Erik shook his head. He didn't know this person, or thing place, but he knew how to act in a situation like this. "No sir"   
  
Erlking nodded and started pacing. "We are an elite squadron of soldiers assigned to the delicate missions. We haven't failed yet." Erik smiled. He had a purpose now. He would fight for this man.   
"Go to sleep now. You were injured" Erlking walked out of the room and only then did Erik notice the bandages on his head, his arm. That would explain his lack of memory. Erik would fight for this group. It was all he knew.   
  
Waking the next morning he took a moment to orient himself before going to his closet pulling out a uniform and dressing before heading out. Something at the back of his mind screamed at him as he went through these mundane tasks but when he tried to find the cause there was nothing there.   
  
To say that Erlking was pleased was an understatement. Finally one of them was working, he was behaving in the simulations of reality as if he didn't know it was false. He followed his superoirs, did as ordered, was a model soldier, a perfect student. They would take him out soon, move him so that he didn't know anything was different. This was what the project was supposed to work like.   
  
Day after day he spent there. Training, re-meeting former friends. He fought for them, killed for them, was willing to die for them. Erik was the top of the elite, but still he moved though life with a certain detachment.   
  
He killed because they asked him to. He didn't care for their ideals, their goals. He just fit in here, because he had no one else. He couldn't remember anything but them.   
  
One night his life was turned upside down. The world jerked, tilted and twisted. Then turned black.   
  
When his eyes adjusted to the dark he saw a person standing over him, a bulky helmet in his hands. Half memories filtered into his mind; cued by the appearance of this person. But he could not make sense of them. "Who are you?" The man was about the same age as him, the voice hard and efficient. It felt strange that the intruder was asking him who he was. Confusion washed through his mind, who was he anyway?   
"I… I don't know"   
  
The man tried another tactic. "Who am I? Am I an enemy?   
"Not as of this moment…" Trowa was confused at the need for this knowledge. He was still trying to find those elusive memories, trying to figure out what these faces and names meant to him here.   
  
"Good enough, I guess" Heero had skimmed through the recordings of Trowa's past few days. Just enough to get an idea of where Trowa stood, but not enough to be sure they hadn't convinced Trowa that the last remaining failure was an enemy.   
  
Heero knew that if their positions were reversed that would have been the first thing done.   
  
Heero quickly went to work on his friend. They didn't have much time. Neither of them were in the best condition for a fight. He had spent the last three days hiding within the base. Minimal sleep and little food did little to improve his weakened state and he didn't want to think of what would happen if they were caught.   
  
His time had been spent trying to find the others. But all he had managed to accomplish was to be a witness to their deaths; he would probably the only one who would mourn them. He had been too late to do anything to save them but he wouldn't let them get Trowa.   
  
Supporting most of Trowa's weight until he got used to moving on his own again, they headed, out risking moving through the halls. The advantage of speed far outweighing the increased danger of being caught.   
  
"Erik what are you doing?" the voice was harsh but familiar. It was one of Erik's officers. Memories cued muscles, reactions without thought.   
  
Erik turned and saluted. "Sir!" The troop of soldiers surrounded the pair carefully.   
  
"Erik. That" he pointed to Heero with his gun, "is and escaped prisoner. Arrest him."   
  
Erik turned and within seconds had weakened Heero restrained. An order was not to be denied, nor ignored. Why he was with this man meant nothing. Erik was a soldier, and he would obey.   
  
Heero started to fight back, intending to find out why Trowa had turned against him so suddenly, but pain exploded in the back of his head and he fell into darkness.   
  
Heero woke, once again strapped down in the darkness. He tensed, instantly ready to fight. Would he have to take Wufei' s path now to finally free himself?   
  
Trowa/Erik was standing in front of him VR helmet in his hands "Trowa…" Heero's voice was guarded as he eyed the helmet, anxiety flooding his system. He didn't know if he could deal with that again. The man shook his head. "I am not him here"   
"Where are you him then?"   
"I'm him when I fight, surrounded and supported by allies" Heero looked up. His hard eyes asking; _so what are you doing now if not fighting supported be a friend?_   
  
Erik turned from the questioning eyes. Accusing him and making him think. Making him remember. This person, this was a friend. He was fighting. Why was he fighting an ally? It didn't make sense. Amid the confusion Trowa resurfaced. Guilt flashed across his face.   
  
Hands shook and the helmet fell from his trembling grasp. His breathing was ragged, his mind torn.   
"Trowa?" Heero questioned. His was voice softer now. They needed to get out of there and to do that he needed Trowa.   
  
Trowa took a deep breath. His head came up.   
"I'm sorry," he said approaching the table. He managed to get one of Heero's hands free before their actions were noticed. As soon as the men entered they brought the name, the personality of Erik. Heero saw the change right away. Gone was his friend. In his place was a soldier. An enemy.   
  
"Trowa." Heero's voice was intense. Calling to him, trying to keep Trowa there.   
  
Erik's fist lashed out.   
  
Heero's head snapped to the side moving with the blow, then centered slowly. His gaze never leaving that of Erik, who just hit him again, and again.   
  
Erlking watched with some satisfaction as Heero, that annoyingly confidant boy, was beaten by the friend he had risked his own freedom to save. This was just magnificent..   
  
"I'll just leave you two alone" He walked out the door, Erik paused, watched him leave. Then he turned his attention back to the matter at hand. The two stared at each other in silence for a moment, Erik glaring down at the prone Heero.   
  
Heero broke the tense silence first, taking control of the unstable situation. His breathing was harsh and ragged as he tried to ignore the pain. That couldn't help him here. "Do you remember the others?"   
  
The query was met with a blank stare, but there was something shimmering underneath....   
  
"Duo, Quatre, Wufei? Any of them?"   
  
"....yes...." Trowa's eyes were full of pain. "I remembered them." Fighting. In this place he was Erik. All the memories said he was Erik, but this person was telling him he was Trowa, was forcing him be Trowa in Erik's world. "But he doesn't fit here"   
  
Heero pressed the only advantage he had. Erik was starting to doubt, and Heero was beginning to understand. The personality of Erik was linked to the people around this base, and to a lesser extent to the base itself. He could, had overridden the connection to the base, but there was so little here that would make Trowa, Trowa over Erik. So now.... now Heero just had to create another bond, one stronger, more stable than any Erik had. Make something here remind Trowa of Trowa. He could think of only one thing. "This place is the only monument they'll ever have"   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"They died here. I saw them all fall." Trowa's eyes widened slightly and Heero knew that he was getting closer.   
  
"Trowa.... if we don't remember them who will? We have nothing left, no one left, neither did they. This place is their grave"   
  
Trowa shrank away trying to hide from the confusion. These men that were here made him Erik. These men who were now surrounding him, filling the room, calling out to Erik. Could he ignore them?   
  
But this was no longer Erik's place. But they were Erik's people. But this was Trowa's place, and one of Trowa's people was here, lying right beside him. And the memories of the others would live in these very halls.   
  
So now… add them. He was Trowa. Trowa fit better. Ignoring the men behind him, he turned to Heero, who was slowing pulling himself to the edge of the table. He was waiting for a hint as to what to do next, whether he would now die at the hands of his friend, or if they were to have their vengeance.   
  
The locked eyes and Heero saw pure Trowa staring back at him. His friend, his ally.   
  
A smile flickered across his face, and was answered in kind. They would fight now and damn the consequences.   
  
Together they turned faced the enemy.   
  
It took only a few moments and they were running through the halls. Weakened they couldn't fight for long, but they would fight long enough.   
  
They would have retribution.   
  
  
  
End notes: ***this you must read to understand the epilogues!!!**  
  
Yes there are 3 of them. They are not other chapters, they are "alternate truths". Each of them begins jsut after this chapter ends. They also cannot all be 'right' blending them together doesn't work... *grins* believe me I've tried ^_^   
  
Here's a summary for each of them so you can decide which one you want to take as 'right'.... read them all and tell me which one you liked the best, read just the one you like and tell me what was wrong wtih the ideas behind the others *grins* It doesn't matter but *rolls eyes* thanks to my muses I think I should have an ending that satisifies everyones tastes ^_^   
  
Epilogue 1: This one follows the feel of the chapters. It doesn not get any more angsty, but things still aren't perfect. It has sort of a happy ever after ending, but you can't change the past.   
  
epilogue 2: This one is severly angsty. *grins* origionally it had the same beginning as the other, only branching off when Heero started talking to Trowa and it wanted to continue into a whole other massive project but I managed to hold it in check...   
  
epilogue 3: This one is the ultimate happily ever after.. if you don't like that I killed them all off, read this. I can fix that problem with the wonders of VR. It kinda turns all the other chapters onto their heads.   
  
enjoy! 


	7. Epilogue 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and am making no money off of this. Title: The Mind's Truth: Epilogue 1 Author: neekabe Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language. A/N: Have you read the note at then end of chapter 6 ?  If so, continue….. If not take a quick look to see what you're getting into  ^_^ Epilogue 1 

The sky glowed an angry red.  Flames, smoke, and dust billowed up into the sky.  The fire that had earlier consumed everything was now reduced to glowing coals, and a few stubbornly flickering flames.  

Trowa watched and was angry.  They had their revenge, but it did not sate the degradation he felt of being used like he had been.  He felt like they had stolen something; only now did he have some idea of what that thing was.  Trowa saw that and was filled with anger.  Anger that he could be manipulated like that; that he had been so weak.  Anger that someone could even think of doing to a person what it had been done to him and his friends. And anger that they had been stronger that him, for not one of them gave in as he had done.  

The strike against Erlking and his supporters had solidified Trowa to a point.  The actions that were so familiar to Trowa, and Trowa alone.  Erik had never participated in those types of strikes, though now he knew that Erik never existed anywhere but in his own mind.  Heero had shown him the room, shown him the films of his training situations.  He saw that first day when he woke within the VR as no one, and Erlking offered him a personality.  He knew now who Erik was.  Erik was someone created for Erlking, and Erlking alone.  Now that man was dead.  So where was he left?  

It hadn't been extraordinarily difficult to destroy the base.  It was almost therapeutic for Trowa.  Familiar movements. Set the bombs, activate the timers, move on.  Thought wasn't needed.  It was something engrained into his very bones.  It was who he was.  Fighting.  The only way he knew how to live his life.  He was like Heero in that, he realized.  Remembering that day so long ago, it seemed while they were still fighting the war against OZ.  He lived for the battle, and when he had lost track of whom he was fighting against he lost himself.  

He looked over to Heero, who was now sitting by their camp, preparing it for the night.  They had agreed to remain at the base until the fire had burnt itself out; until the flames of their comrades' pyre had faded away.  They had held their own funeral for the three of their group that wouldn't be returning with them.  It was all they could do.  

He smiled sadly.  It was all they could do, but the pyre had been a fitting tribute.  Lighting up the sky for two full days, living on stubbornly for days after that.  A few explosions, a kind of a 21-gun salute, had been created when the flames met up with the munitions dump.  

They didn't have any pretty words to give but then flowers and cards meant little to their friends.  They had been people who had lived their lives in constant struggle.  They had, however, built a monument when the rubble had cooled enough.  They needed something to mark the place; they didn't want this spot to turn into an insignificant field.  This was the battleground where their friends finally fell; this was the final resting-place of the unknown harbingers of peace.  Their sacrifice, their battles would be remembered after their deaths.  

The monument was a simple thing, just a cairn made out of rocks and metal; whatever they could find.  Into one side they carved a simple inscription:  

_Chang Wufei,_

_Quatre Rababa Winner,_

_Duo Maxwell._

_Continue._

Heero approached, finished with his tasks. He sat down beside Trowa.  

"How're you doing?"

Trowa looked up then.  One of Heero's eyes was still black and Trowa felt a twinge of guilt, and of gratitude.  He still didn't know why Heero had kept trying to help him, especially after all he had done to him.  He didn't know why the Perfect Soldier had even bothered.  After they had escaped, and even for a few days after their attack, Trowa didn't quite know who he was. He remembered lashing out on Heero a few times, really just wanting confirmation that he was alive, that he was who he thought he was but not knowing how to ask.  Just wanting to purge himself of the anger.  But he had no idea who to direct it against.  Every time Heero had taken it, and had given what was needed.  Every time Trowa faltered Heero was there, but he still left time for Trowa to think, to find himself again within the confusion of whom he had been.  In his mind he had been a living contradiction.  He killed his friends, trusted his enemies.  He was able to play both sides at once, feeling nothing…  Nothing until now, when the tried to reconcile parts within himself.  When he tried to find the real person in amongst the lies. And he found no one, just a cavern full of contradictions.  

But then Heero was there.  And even if Trowa didn't know who Trowa was, Heero did.  It was that unwavering confidence that Trowa had clung to.  Heero knew, and Heero was the unchanging constant that Trowa needed to base himself off of.  

But now he could hear the concern in Heero's voice.  Trowa looked out across the fields again, off at the sun now sinking low beneath the horizon.  

            "Erik has died."  

Heero nodded, accepting the statement as truth.  He offered a small smile; perhaps one of congratulations but in the fading light Trowa couldn't quite be sure, then went of to his bedroll.  

Heero smiled to himself as he lay down.  That was what he had been waiting for.  Some confirmation that Trowa had managed to destroy the demons that had been following him.  Now that Trowa had found his certainty of self again, and it would only be a short journey back to the Trowa from before. The confidant warrior that faced death so many times, relying on nothing but his own skill to keep him alive.  There would still be problems; there would still be restless nights filled with nightmares.  Heero knew that things couldn't be perfect right away, but the worst was over.  

Lying there he watched Trowa, still sitting on the ridge of the hill.  

*****

Trowa waited until the sun had disappeared completely beneath the horizon, till the last of its glow faded away and darkness surrounded them.  It was the first night since the attack that it was dark enough to see the stars, and once again the two men were amazed at how many there were, at how bright they shone.  

I don't know what happened that night, but seeing the stars reminded me of when I first saw them, when I realized that I had a name; that I was someone.  I remembered all the battles fought with my friends among those very stars.  I remembered.  

  
  
  
***end*** 


	8. Epilogue 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and am making no money off of this. Title: The Mind's Truth: Epilogue 2 Author: neekabe Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language, death. A/N: Have you read the note at then end of chapter 6 ?  If so, continue….. If not take a quick look to see what you're getting into  ^_^ 

**Epilogue 2**

****

The night was bright, filled with uneasy shadows as created by flickering.  The two waited.  Explosives had been set in the last desperate rush out of the base.  Now they were waiting for the time when the memories of that evil place were no more.  The fire would burn itself out soon.  Soon there would be nothing.  They would leave a monument to the others and leave.  Then try to forget all that had been seen in there.  

It was hard.  Hard now to even think of how things had been.  Minds touched by virtual reality could not soon believe again.  There was always the doubt, always the questions.  _How can I know this is real?  What if this is just another simulation?  The what ifs would haunt a mind, could destroy it in the end.  Some handled it better than others though.  Heero just didn't really care that much one way or the other; his view was that you can't live in a world of maybe.  Truth lived in perception, not necessarily universal reality. But others…_

Heero walked over to where Trowa sat.  "Are you okay?"  

Trowa worried Heero.  Ever since they left the base he had drawn into himself, even more than normal.  His mind pulled away from the world, leaving his body to fend for itself.  He was hiding from something, but as of yet Heero couldn't get Trowa to say anything, let alone talk about what was wrong.  Something had hurt Trowa, and so he reacted; fight or flight.  But this danger wasn't physical; he couldn't fight it, couldn't kill it.  But he couldn't run either.  It was part of himself.  Wherever he went his demons followed, so his mind ran, beyond the reaches of feeling or pain.  Nothing could get to it.  No more pain.  But no healing.

"Sometimes I wonder if I even exist…" The words were unexpected, and Trowa's voice was softer that usual; as if he were talking to himself and Heero was just listening in on the conversation. "Tell me Heero… who am I?" 

This person wasn't the Trowa that Heero know.  This was a scared child begging for reassurance, but Heero didn't know what he could give.

Trowa looked up suddenly.  All his masks were off, the barriers released.  Trowa's soul was bared and it scared Heero.  He was demanding so much and the cost of failure this time was unimaginably big.  This had nothing to do with him; he wasn't the one who the consequences of failure would hit the worst.  Now Trowa's life lay in his hands.

  He had played with people's lives before, had controlled their future, but never before with anyone he had cared about.  It never mattered before if they died because of his actions, never made any difference, because he knew that the final goal would be worth their lives.  He knew that things couldn't be fixed or changed, and that this was the way things had to be.  But now… he didn't want to lose Trowa.  So what could he say to make things better again?  How do you convince someone that they exist?  

Flames were dying, taking with them the last of the light.  The few patches of light were quickly consumed by the advancing darkness.

"Nothing, not even thought, can exist on it's own.  Something has to be thinking… So you have to be, because something has to be doing the doubting existence.  Do you understand that?"  

Trowa nodded, if a bit doubtfully.  

"So then I exist.  But what do I exist as?  Who am I?"  He turned to Heero, looking straight at him.  Heero saw the depths of the pain.  In his friend's eyes he saw only emptiness, deep and hollow.  His eyes were dead; dead, cold and uncaring.  Trowa looked back down at his hands again, shoulders hunched against the world, shaking with a chill in both mind and body.

"You are yourself."  It was the only answer Heero could give. He couldn't understand the lack of self, the doubt. 

"I heard a saying," Trowa told him quietly, "that what a person did in the past doesn't matter, it's just who you are that counts.  Does that mean I don't matter?  I only have the past. I am no one right now. If I mean nothing, then why am I still here?  What have I done that makes my life worth living?  What have I done that makes my life worth more than the lives of those people I've killed?  I would have killed you back there, Heero.  How can I be allowed to live?"  It sounded more curious than disturbed.  It was a child's voice, asking why the sky was blue.  

"You can be allowed to live because you didn't kill me, Trowa.  In the end you found yourself again.  You deserve life as much as anyone else."  

"Trowa died, Heero.  He burned with the others."  

Trowa's eyes were wild, haunted.  In his own mind he was a dead man walking.  The past was living Hell.  The present isn't, and would never come.  Why bother anymore?  Why bother to fight when you were already dead?  Death was hopeless.  

Trowa's hands started moving in rapid jerky movements.  Repetitive, rhythmic motions, drawing lines of red into his hands, his arms.  

Heero grabbed his friend's arms, trying to stop the damage.  This lack of control; had never seen Trowa act like this before.  The VR must have hit him harder than Heero had ever considered.  

"What's that?" Heero demanded, motioning at the thing his friend had been using to cut himself.  Trowa had a piece of metal in his hands.  It looked like a piece of the building, but why would Trowa have that?  He asked the question partially to satisfy his curiosity, but mostly to distract Trowa from what he had been doing.  

"A piece of Trowa's Place."  Simply stated, it was said as if it should have been obvious.  

Alarms rang in Heero's mind.  This drove home how bad Trowa was now.  And it had all been Heero's fault.  He had worked so hard to link Trowa to the base, to Trowa's place.  Now there was nothing left of that.  Just a burning pile of rubble.  And now, now Trowa was no one.  There were no stimuli pointing towards anyone.  Just Heero; but Heero was connected to two people.  Both Trowa and Erik knew Heero.  Two opposing personalities...

Trowa wrenched his hands away.  "Don't touch me," he told him harshly.  Slashing, once again.  The same movement every time.  Trowa watched as the blood began to flow from his hands.

"Stop it!" Heero grabbed the wrists once again.  Trowa jerked his hands out of reach, letting out a panicked cry.  Moving just out of Heero's range he sat hunched over, looking betrayed, scared, rocking slightly, still cutting.  

"Why? " Heero tried to keep his voice gentle, non-threatening.  Trowa responded my rubbing harder, forcing the metal into his arms.  

"Pain is real.  Pain tells me I'm here.  Nothing else will.  If I feel pain than I know I'm still alive.  If I'm alive than I'm real."  

This was scaring Heero. Something was wrong, and he wasn't qualified to deal with it.  He would simply restrain Trowa until he could get him off to Preventers, or _somewhere with someone trained to deal with this.  He couldn't lose another friend.  Trowa was the only one left.  No one else could understand.  They tried, but you couldn't truly know what it was like unless you had been there.  He needed the others because they understood.  _

Heero stood, watched with pain in his eyes as Trowa flinched back, looking more like a wild animal, unused to humans, than someone who had once had the strength to take on the world.  

"Let's go Trowa.  It's time to go home."  _Things weren't supposed to be like this, Heero reflected.  __We were all supposed to die in glorious battle, going down in a blaze of light. Not this slow fading away, broken and alone.  _

"No.  I won't"  

"Come on.  It's time."  

"It's time, time to go."  Trowa's eyes were wide, as he repeated what Heero had said.  "Time to go home."  Taking up the piece of 'Trowa's Place' he stared at it for a moment, then made two quick cuts. His hands unshaking, aim sure and true, the speed and reactions of a true Gundam pilot shone through, and Heero caught one last glimpse of who Trowa really was. Two cuts, one slicing up the inside of each arm, right along the veins.  

**_No!  _******

Heero was at Trowa's side in an instant, cursing himself for not moving faster, not taking the weapon away from him.  For not being able to help his friend the one time it was needed the most.  

Blood flowed freely despite Heero's efforts to stop the flow.  The cuts had been right on, well planned, cutting up the arm instead of across, deeply, quickly.

Heart of stone, nerves of steel.  A soldier has no need for emotions.  But this loss hurt.  He couldn't be what Trowa had needed.  He hadn't had the strength to do what he wanted.  After all he had been through he hadn't had the strength when it really mattered.  

He watched the lifeblood flow from his last friend.  Seeing him fading away, floating, drifting.  Dying unknown, unloved. Leaving him as the others had. Leaving him alone, to face the world and deal again.  

The last of the light left the sad clown's eyes.  The blood stopped its constant flow; just a trickle now, seeping slowly into the dark earth.  

Sitting on the hillside, Heero reached over and closed the lifeless eyes of his friend.  It was then that the Perfect Soldier died; the last of the Gundam pilots had no place now in this world.  But Heero Yuy, the entity beyond the name learned true grief in that moment.  And on that hillside, with the full moon casting an eerie glow over the pair, Heero Yuy wept.  

  
  
  
***end*** 


	9. Epilogue 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing and am making no money off of this.   
Title: The Mind's Truth: Epilogue 3   
Author: neekabe   
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language.   
A/N: Have you read the note at then end of chapter 6 ?  If so, continue….. If not take a quick look to see what you're getting into. Second, this chapter is for Katie, this is the happy ending you've been looking for   ^_^   
  


**Epilogue 3**

****

Erie green light illuminated the faces of the men as they stared at the screens in front of them.  Fingers flew over the keyboards and all you could hear was the tapping of the keys as they worked on.  In the middle of the circle created by their workstations, was a table.  And on that table lay a figure.  

Every once in a while one of them would look up to see how the figure was reacting, then quickly go back to their work.  

A pang of guilt for what they were doing surfaced now and then, but was quickly replaced by anger.  They had seen the room, filled with failed experiments, and they had seen the recording of their 'sessions'.  The subjects: they had just been children.  

The human mind just wasn't equipped to deal with certain things.  VR was one of them.  Even the pilots, hardened by war and confidant in themselves would not soon forget what they had seen there.  

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two wrongs can give way to justice.  

****

_I really don't know how I would react to this but I think it would be similar to how I 'did' react.  Because 'I' did what I was thinking as I saw the images.  What I thought my fingers made happen.  _

_I was watching the simulations I would have been put through had things worked out as they had planed.  I saw then and knew horror. They were good I had to admit. It all looked real, felt real. Even watching it on the screen it could have been real. But the I realized that if it bothered me, hardened by war, what had it done to the test subjects? They had had them made before we even gotten here, then had perfected them on the children. These children lived in worlds that horrified me. What had it done to their minds? I felt no guilt for what I was doing.  This was just the consequence of the actions he chose.  _

_So I was to begin the process.  I showed him to expect the unexpected. We were not the easy targets these had been tested on. This was not going to be an easy fight for him to win.  _

_****_

_Yes, I was messing with his head.  I knew their back up plans and what they would do when I 'did' certain things.  Then I made my story as horrible as possible.  I made him think that he had me… then I stole myself back.  I showed him hat even when he thought he had total control, he didn't. I 'broke' myself so that he would know that we fight back even when we don't know who we are.  There's a part of us that will never give in.  I wanted him to know that he'd failed complete and utterly.  _

_They were just children he used.  And that was why I was doing this. They had just been street kids…  Like I had once been.  He may have though that it didn't matter, that no one cared. But Fate has a sense of humor, when you got right down to it I was his master. (1)_

_****_

_I was surprised when I first saw her.  Then angry at them for daring to use her against me, angry at whoever it was that had betrayed her memory to them.  But once she started talking, my anger dissolved.  They had obviously found out the basics from old news reports of our wedding and just guessed at the rest.  After all she had been a female growing up in a highly patriarchal society.  And not just any woman, but a Lady.  Surely she must had been the pinnacle of femininity.  _

_I was still the only one alive that knew her for who she was. Stubborn and strong.  _

_So I flaunted their lack of preparation.  I showed them how little they knew and how useless their tactics were.  _

_You can beat a body all you want but you can't touch the mind unless you are allowed in.  You cannot chase someone who won't run.  _

_****_

_There was no way around this.  I knew that.  Death was just too good for him, who had done so much.  If we killed him he would be dead and that would be it.  This way we could show him just how wrong he was.  We can show him that even if we had been caught, he wouldn't have won.  _

_We've just seen too much to be broken by scenes of war.  I hadn't wanted to relive my insanity. It was a part of my life that I don't like remembering, but it was the only way. He needed to know that even if we do break, it may not be the way he wanted.  _

_I was to show him that.  Show him that you cannot even begin to predict how we would react.  You might think you've won, but beware.  We are soldiers to the core, and won't give in just to end suffering.  _

_We five are strong, strong to the point that we cannot break.  Either we live on, or we shatter beyond repair.  _

_****_

It had been decided beforehand that I would be the one to follow him.  That I would be the one to 'break', and in doing that show him our last point.  I had no problems with that.  We didn't know how much he knew of each of us, but even if he just knew the basics I would be the logical choice.  Through the wars I was the one that switched sides most often, for less reasons than he gave.  Or at least that was how it would appear to someone who did not know.  

_But I would be the one to show, with Heero's help, that some things can't be forgotten.  That some things are stronger than programming.  _

_Also we had the final job.  We were to 'destroy' his base.  To finalize his devastation.  _

****

"Are we ready?"  Four assenting nods were seen from the corners of the room.  Heero moved to the figure on that table in the middle of the room they had been working in, carefully filling a syringe before sliding it into Erlking's arm.  Then he watched as the man's movements slowed, then stopped.  After checking that the pulse was still strong he looked up to the others and then took the motionless terrorist out of the base as Duo prepared the last of the explosives.  

They had cleared everyone out of the base right off, before they had started on their revenge.  Anyone that fought back was killed; anyone that knew what Erlking had been doing was disposed of as well.  All the others had been given the chance to leave before the five pilots had put Erlking into the VR system he had designed for them.  

The explosion was bright, scorching and immensely satisfying.  

****

Once the flames had died down to the point where it was safe to approach, Wufei and Duo picked up Erlking and placed him by the smoldering ruins of the compound.  

He would wake in a couple of hours, believing that what he had seen within the VR to be truth.  He had lost all five of the pilots.  He had had five chances, and failed every time.  So close to success he was first denied his prize, then he had lost everything else.  

"What now?"  Quatre's question broke the silence as the five of them watched the last of the flames flicker.   

"We leave him," Trowa responded.

Heero nodded.  "He thinks you all died and he lost everything.  He's relatively harmless now."  

"But if he decides to try again?" asked Wufei.  

Heero looked over at the Chinese man as he spoke, acknowledging his concern.  "We'll be monitoring him closely."  

Duo smiled his Shinigami smile then, adding the final point.  "And even then, wouldn't he be surprised to see the five of us standing against him, once again."  

***end***

(1)Duo's refering to Erlkings name. 'Erlking' is a giant from Teutonic folklore who lures people, especially lures little children, to the land of the dead. If an erlkings duty was to bring people to the land of the dead then he must be an underling to the keeper of the land of the dead, the God of Death….yeah it's a little vague but once I realized that I had to put it in somewhere

  
  
  



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